Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
