he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
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