and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
