i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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