Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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