my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
