I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
