toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
