Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
