At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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