What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
