apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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