i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
