Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
