I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
