I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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