i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
