I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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