Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
