I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Still dying that you shit outside
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
