How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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