you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
