it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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