Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
