So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
