Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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