Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
