just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
