R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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