It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
