I smell stomach acid.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
