I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
