me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Slut skills are useful in every country.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
