It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
