You're my little dorito
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
