I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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