I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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