a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
