if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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