Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I smell stomach acid.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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