if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
