The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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