my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
