i think i have herpe
just one?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Randomize
