you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
