I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
