this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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