there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
