After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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