I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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