Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize