he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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