it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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