I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
