Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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