we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
