yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize