Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
