please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
