"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
The Olympian is in my bed
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
