A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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