my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
