I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize