I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
