there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
