"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
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