i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
