At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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