I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
