I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
