Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
