i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Vodka?
Forever.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
