You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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