Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
i think i just lost a toe
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