Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
