i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
