Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
